Welcome! This is a blog for Keira and Candice to speak of all our woes. Ha! Not exactly. We both struggle with infertility. This is our way of keeping in touch and being a support for one another. Here is where we share our thoughts, our feelings, our struggles, our hopes, and our dreams. We have often asked ourselves 'why not us?' We would sure like to know what happened to our storks. So if anyone with similar struggles visits this blog, just know YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Although at times it sure feels like it, doesn't it? Hopefully this may help you as well.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Trials and the atonement

I am feeling better! Actually I have been feeling better for quite some time, but been down with a cold, and so still been keeping low and trying to rest to get rid of this cold that is going on 3 weeks! Down no more, I am moving on cold or no cold, and getting out and getting things done! :)
   So, I have been in retrospect the past month about trials, (particularly mine) the purpose of them, and how to overcome them. I was at work and was thinking and talking to myself about the many things I have learned throughout my infertility journey. I have gone through a lot. I have felt deep sorrow, but I am still here, I am still married, and I still have my testimony! What an amazing comfort, and blessing!!!
     I have completely been immersed in books the past couple months. I am constantly reading. My sister bought me the book "Lost Children"-coping with miscarriage for Latter Day Saints. I read it in a couple hours, and man! what a comfort that was. Just to have someone else who knows what I have gone through first hand, and explains the grieving process. It was comforting to hear that what I was feeling and going through was normal and healthy as I have been working through the stages of grief. I highly reccomend it to anyone dealing with miscarriage. I have also read book entitled "Infertility"-Hope, healing, and comfort. Also, very good. In both of these books there was a section included for those that don't suffer with infertility themselves, but for families or friends that do and they want to give help and comfort. Stay tuned: I will post some of those comments later, as most people likely won't read the books unless they are the ones suffering with it first hand.
   Another book I am reading was only by inspiration. Let me explain: At work on this particular day I had a lot of time to just let my mind wander and think. Unfortunately my  particular frustration this day was that we were being pressured to MOVE ON! Quit feeling sad, and get out and get over it. I was not ready. I knew it, and Heavenly Father knew that I was not ready for it. I heal, I do. But it takes time. So, because our friends were making me feel like I was behind, and wasn't healing, and I should be feeling better and "over it" by now I was completely overwhelmed and frustrated. I started praying at work. And then I started listening and thinking and letting my mind wander. I started thinking about the atonement of Christ. He suffered for our sins, but also for pain, sorrow, heart break, etc. So, I know as we are taught the process of repentance and gaining forgiveness of sins, which covers the sins Christ took upon Himself, but what about the rest? How do we gain the peace, healing, and comfort promised through the atonement? Is it just given? Well, I have been doing a lot of research. I have been praying and going to the temple. I have been searching to find out more about the atonement. It lead me to the book entitled The Broken Heart-applying the atonement to life's experiences. I have learned that in order to gain the comfort, healing, and peace you need to be doing what we do anyway. We need to be praying, fasting, going to the temple, reading our scriptures. I have been doing all those things. Showing our Father we have faith, and we continue to move on, and He will grant us the healing in His time. It is not instantaneous, just like forgiveness of our sins is a process which takes time, so does the peace and healing. We show our Heavenly Father by our actions and how dilligent we are in seeking Him, and then we have faith that the healing will come, and it does! It has come. I have truly felt so much better! There is still more healing that is needed each day as I need different things,  but I know that Christ is there, and His atonement does cover all.
   I Love this gospel, and the peace, and hope we have!!
 Thank you for those that have prayed so hard for us. We have felt the strength and peace, and I have no doubt that your prayers, love and support have brought it to us!
 I love you all!
~Keira

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Our Adoption Journey

I know it's been a long time since I've posted and updated. As you know Shalum and I were chosen to adopt back in October. The baby boy was due Dec 20th, but decided that wasn't soon enough and graced the world on Nov 24th, Thanksgiving night. I happened to be down near Las Vegas (where he was born). Shalum was still up in Elko, but I was down in Mesquite at my mother's condo. I had gone down to spend some time with the birth mother. She was actually scheduled to have a c-section on the 30th, so I went to spend some time with her before he was born. I had gone down on the 23rd and was going to head over to Vegas the 25th. The 24th at around 7:30 I got a call from the birth mother's mother telling me she was going into labor and they were at the hospital and getting ready to do a c-section. He was born at 9:49pm. He was 5lbs 10oz and 18.5 inches long. Shalum came down the 25th. We signed the adoption papers on Dec. 3rd. That was a pretty bittersweet moment for me. I was so excited for Shalum and I, but it was so hard watching the birth parents sign the papers. They said they were fine and still had no doubts. But it was difficult for me to watch.
I am so excited to have a child to call my own, to be a mother. His name is Jared Axel Decklan. Jared is Shalum's middle name, I just really love the name Axel (Shalum hates it, but after a few years of telling Shalum I wanted to name a child that, he finally gave in when we actually had the chance. He so sweet to me.) And Decklan is a name the birth parents had chosen.
Jared was born with pulmonary valve atresia, which means a valve in his heart was completely closed. The day after he was born they ran a catheter through his thigh up to his heart and popped it open with a balloon. The doctors anticipated having to do open heart surgery as well, but it was never necessary! He has been doing so well! Everytime the cardiologists came by while he was in the NICU they were constantly saying how amazed they were at how well he's doing and that he's their little champion. When he was born they put him on medication to keep his PDA's open so the blood could flow to his lungs. Three days after the catheter procedure they took him off the medication. They told us that's amazing because they normally keep them on those meds for about another two weeks. That's how well his heart was doing!
He was discharged from the NICU on Dec. 17th. We were so excited that he was able to come home before Christmas. I had stayed in Vegas the whole time, while Shalum traveled back and forth due to work. And it's a long trip. Fortunately I was able to stay at the Ronald McDonald House. That place is amazing and am so grateful I could stay there.
This little man has turned our worlds upside down, in the greatest way possible. He is our world and can't even begin to say how grateful we are for him and how grateful we are to his birth parents. We have such a respect and love for them. We wouldn't be parents if it weren't for them and the love they have for Jared.

Here is our beautiful little man
Jared Axel Decklan Stone
(Also called Jax)


~Candice