Welcome! This is a blog for Keira and Candice to speak of all our woes. Ha! Not exactly. We both struggle with infertility. This is our way of keeping in touch and being a support for one another. Here is where we share our thoughts, our feelings, our struggles, our hopes, and our dreams. We have often asked ourselves 'why not us?' We would sure like to know what happened to our storks. So if anyone with similar struggles visits this blog, just know YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Although at times it sure feels like it, doesn't it? Hopefully this may help you as well.

Monday, March 10, 2014

which way to go?? What to do when you get to a fork in the road of life...

I have been pondering about my life A LOT lately. I was thinking about the ultimate goal in this life. My goal and probably everyone's goal, is JOY. Joy that is not temporary, and joy that only comes from being on the path that Heavenly Father created just for you. Everyone is different, and He has a plan for each individual person, from beginning to end. When we get off that path, many times it brings sorrow, pain, confusion....etc. We figure things out, repent, and get back on that path. So, when we come to a fork and we have a decision to make, we go to our Father in prayer, to determine which is the right way to go. This especially happens with big life decisions, but can be really little simple choices we make as well. He is there to guide and direct us as long as we ask.
     So, when we come to a fork and a decision needs to be made what do we do? Well, I think about it and figure out which one looks and sounds more appealing to me, and take that to God in prayer, fasting, temple etc. After diligently asking, if I feel nothing, does that mean His answer is no? Not sure. Well, so I try the other choice, by taking that to God in prayer, followed by fasting, and temple attendance. So, what does it mean if you still  feel nothing? You asked about one, and felt nothing, so you asked about the other and felt nothing. You may begin to wonder if He is even listening to you. It could mean the answer is both choices are wrong and you need to come up with another option....... It could mean you are just not ready for the answer yet........ It could mean that both are good and you can choose. So, all those are so different, how do you know what to do????
   So, this is the story of my life. I really struggle with answers to prayers. Some are so easy to hear and know without a doubt what you are supposed to do, and then there are some that are really trying and no matter what I do, I never get a definite answer.
       Well, a little bit ago my inlaws talked with Mike and I about our options with seeing a fertility specialist. Neither have us have really felt pushed to get seriously checked out. We have done a little bit of treatments and testing and tried a few different things, but nothing really extensive. Because of our choices to not do extensive treatments AT THIS TIME, I feel VERY judged. I have even gotten the comment multiple times from different people that if they were in our shoes, they would do EVERYTHING in their power to have kids, and why we aren't doing it, they don't understand, and therefore not very compassionate in our trial. I don't think people mean to come across rude or judgemental, but they just don't understand. You CAN'T ever fully understand it, unless you go through it yourself, and even then you can't fully understand how it affects another person. Just because I am not currently seeing a specialist, does not mean I am not still trying everything in MY power to get pregnant. A lot of it is planning and counting and the rest I have decided at this point to hand over to the Lord. Because of the options of seeing a specialist have been presented and have seemed more appealing to me, we may go that route EVENTUALLY.  But, I have prayed about it and don't feel anything. Every time I think about it I get excited thinking about being pregnant again, and maybe actually ending up with a baby this time, but then I just feel a cloud hanging over my head. I have doubts and fears and I just don't know what is right. I want a DIRECT answer from God, and for some reason He is withholding it from me. I feel so frustrated and confused. I know that following His plan will bring me the greatest amount of Joy and Peace, but what do I do if I can't figure out what that plan is and He seems to not be answering??!!!