Welcome! This is a blog for Keira and Candice to speak of all our woes. Ha! Not exactly. We both struggle with infertility. This is our way of keeping in touch and being a support for one another. Here is where we share our thoughts, our feelings, our struggles, our hopes, and our dreams. We have often asked ourselves 'why not us?' We would sure like to know what happened to our storks. So if anyone with similar struggles visits this blog, just know YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Although at times it sure feels like it, doesn't it? Hopefully this may help you as well.

Monday, April 6, 2015

The Joy of Trying Again

I loved watching General Conference this weekend, especially on Easter Sunday! Celebrating our Savior's resurrection while listening to our prophet and leaders made for a great Easter weekend! Although it wasn't always easy to listen with a 3 year old demanding my attention. Calling for me to "come here mom!", or wanting to play his new Memory game he got for Easter, or reading some books to him. So there were some talks I missed. But that's the great thing about this day and age! I can go back and watch them anytime I want online!

I love how certain talks or quotes just speak to you and give you the reassurance you need and the strength to continue on despite your hardships. While I'm not going through much hardships presently, I was recently. There were two quotes that really touched my spirit. I have gone through a lot of hardships, some seemed unbearable during the midst of them, but I have persevered each and every time and have grown from them, and so have become a better and stronger person. And I know I'll need the strength that I have gained for future trials that will come my way.

One of the quotes wasn't actually from one of the sessions. It was a broadcast that was right before the Sunday morning session. Unfortunately, I didn't catch the name of the speaker, and I haven't been able to find it. But I loved this quote from him:

"...Whatever we are going through, things can change, things can get better. No matter how long the winter, spring is sure to follow. The days will become a little brighter. The weather, a little warmer. And life will be restored. Ultimately it's a hope expressed by Robert Browning, "God's in His Heaven--all's right with the world." We heed that reassurance from time to time. Especially in moments when life gets hard, and all doesn't seem right with the world. When the fire of truth and faith has been extinguished, we need to know that it can be rekindled and burn again in our souls. When hearts have been broken and dreams shattered, we need to be reminded that they can be mended and rebuilt over time. Just as surely as brown grass, battered trees, and leafless shrubs can become green and blooming once again, we can believe in the promise of new life and renewed beginnings."

I posted a few weeks ago about an adoption we were dealing with that had become very difficult due to the state getting involved. It was so heartbreaking for me and I struggled a great deal with it. We found out last week that we wouldn't be able to adopt that beautiful baby girl. The birth mother stated at a court hearing that she wanted her baby back, so of course, the state will be working with her for possible reunification. There's a bit more to this that I won't divulge, but it makes me worried for the future of this baby girl. But it is out of our hands and so we must move on.

Truth is, we were preparing ourselves for this outcome, that we would not be adopting her, and we had been dealing with this for 5 months. So by the time it ended, we were ready to move forward. We have done the majority of our mourning during the last 3 months. I believe a part of my heart will always be with this little girl, but we are also ready to move on. Which leads me to the next quote that I really loved by Dale G. Renlund.

"President Thomas S. Monson has taught, "One of God's greatest gifts to us is the joy of trying again. For no failure ever need be final." Even if we've been a conscience, deliberate sinner, or have repeatedly faced failure and disappointment, the moment we decide to try again, the Atonement of Christ can help us. And we need to remember that it's not the Holy Ghost who tells us we're so far gone, that we might as well give up. God's desire that Latter-Day Saints keep on trying also extends beyond overcoming sin. Whether we suffer because of troubled relationships, economic challenges, illnesses, or as a consequence of someone else's sins, the Savior's Atonement can heal. Even, and perhaps especially, those who have innocently suffered. He understands perfectly what it's like to suffer innocently as a consequence of another's transgression. As prophesied, the Savior will bind up the broken-hearted, give beauty for ashes, oil of joy for mourning, and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. No matter what, with His help God expects Latter-Day Saints to keep on trying."

I have always felt, that no matter what, no matter the losses and disappointments and heartbreaks that my husband and I have had to go through with adoption, we needed to keep on trying. We need to keep fighting and pushing through so that we may have the family that Heavenly Father has destined for us. From the Spirit that has testified to me, I know that it is Heavenly Father's will and plan for us to continue growing our family in this manner--adoption. And so, we will keep on trying.

In fact, we have been blessed to be matched with another birth mom. She is expecting a boy due in July! We were actually matched with her, the very day that we found out we would not be adopting baby girl anymore. We have felt the Lord's hand in this. We are being watched over and blessed. This birth mother and birth father are 100% on board, and even placed a baby for adoption last year with a family that happens to live in the same town as us. Heavenly Father is very aware of what we have gone through and I sincerely believe He is orchestrating all of this.

I also know that Heavenly Father is aware of these birth parents and will do all that He can to comfort them and bless them for the choice they are making and for the loss that they will endure. I can't begin to describe the respect I feel for birthparents who choose a greater life for their child than they can provide.

Heavenly Father will bless us exceedingly if we just turn to Him and follow Him. He wants us to return to Him, and He rejoices when we continue to try, no matter how difficult, and when we continue to have faith. And it is because of our Savior, Jesus Christ, that we are able to do this. Because of His sacrifice, that I am eternally indebted to, I can repent of my sins and lean on Him when need be, and live with God again. I cannot describe the peace and joy that this gives to my soul! During difficult times, I constantly clung to this knowledge, this testimony that I have, and it has always been enough to get me through to happier times. Oh how I love my God and Savior!

~Candice

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