So, since the adoption fell through I have been having a really hard time. Sometimes I'm ok but then sometimes I'm really not. It almost feels like it's getting worse. So I decided I needed a change, something drastic. Soooo.... I dyed my hair. I was wanting a really intense, vibrant red. But since I was just doing a home dye, I decided not to bleach (who knew how it would have turned out). So I decided I could handle a more subtle red. But my dang hair is just too dark and so it's now too subtle. Plus my hair isn't taking to it very well. It's supposed to last 1-6 months. I think I'll be lucky if it makes it to 2 weeks. AND instead of being a subtle red, it's more a subtle purplish pink. Which I'm ok with. Next, I'm going blue streaks. When I decided to dye my hair, I started putting all of my focus and energy into it, because I felt like I was going to have some sort of break down and I NEEDED to do something different, something drastic, to take my mind off my situation. I thought this would help for a few weeks. I dyed it last night...and today I am crashing. It didn't help for the amount of time I was hoping. Now I feel like I need something else.
So what is this something else? I am going to get a dog! I've been bugging Shalum about getting a dog for a few years now, but since he's not much of a dog person, we haven't gotten one (yet dogs seem to always go to him, I think it's hilarious because he can't stand it). But just the other day he told me if I wanted a dog, I can get one. He said he just wants me to be happy and if a dog will help, then a dog I can get.
Plus in about an hour or so, I'll be heading over to Utah with my friend, Criscell, to go to the FSA adoption conference. I'll also be meeting my cousin there as well. Unfortunately I won't get to see my Keira bug there, she has to work. Which is my fault, I didn't give her enough notice to take the time off work for it. I'm hoping this will be a huge pick me up. I really need it right now. And since I need to finish packing, that is all.
~Candice
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I just want to say that you are pretty amazing, Candice.. You and Shalum are such wonderful people and I am thankful to know you all, heck I can even say in a way I am kin to you all..LOL!
ReplyDeleteGuess if you are wanting a big change cut it all off and you could donate it.. but research the donation places if so cause I was told there are some that charge the recieptants of the hair instead or giving it to em.. I still thinking of you all often.. you all should come visit that would be a change and I know Joy and Shiloh would LOVE it also! We could all go out..
Take care
Courtney
Candice,
ReplyDeleteoh! oh! oh! So much to say, and I have to slow my mind down to be able to put it into words that can be understood...:)
I SO get how you feel. I have and continue to go through the exact same feelings as you. Funny thing kinda....I have dyed my hair twice in the last 2 months, and it is still not noticeable. grrr....
Anyway, I don't want to discourage you even more, but I think you should know that it has been 4 months since ours, and I still am having a hard time. I still feel so much frustration and I continue to feel like I need a change. Something to make my life more interesting...where I can learn and grow. Ya know? Kinda like having children....
Well, this last week I have had a COMPLETE melt down. I have felt so unhappy and just done with my situation. I have struggled a lot at times with my testimony and I just can't seem to get things together...especially concerning my happiness and peace. I have felt so completely alone and abandoned. So, this last Sunday I fasted. And instead of fasting for peace, comfort, happiness...ya know the things I so need. I decided that I would fast to be able to strengthen my testimony and feel closer to the spirit. So, I was sitting in sacrament, and the spirit spoke to me, and I heard it! It had been so long since I had really felt close to the spirit and was able to have and experience like that. It was incredible! So, with the help of the spirit, I came to a realization. My realization was that since April when I feel like I just fell apart, I was so overcome with grief, frustration, and anger, that I filled my life with meaningless and stupid things. I felt like I had to constantly be doing something in order to be able to "get over" the whole thing so that I could be happy again. I never gave myself the time, especially quiet peaceful time to let the spirit comfort me, give me direction, and heal my broken heart.
So, I have made the changes necessary to be able to take time to "feel" and "listen" I tell you, it has made a difference. Yes, I am still sad, and frustrated, but I atleast feel like I am starting to be the happy, bubbly, and positive person that I once was, and I know I can be again.
Listen to the spirit, and also listen to your body. If you need a day to stay in bed all day long and just cry, give yourself that time. It does no good to busy up your life instead of taking the time to do what YOU need.
I am so excited you are getting a dog. I love my dog. She is a greater comfort than most of our families. Dogs are always there for you, and when Bella hears me crying, she comes up and licks my face....
How can you not cheer up after that?
Well, I hope you start feeling better. I worry about you, and think about you on a daily basis. Know that I am here, and I understand. I wish I could go to the adoption conference, but we'll have to plan something for next year. You will have to tell me all about it. And hey, if you have time saturday night....call me and maybe we can meet up just for a little while.
Anyway, I will stop now. Just know I love you sweetie.
Love, Keira