I haven't written a blog post in about 3 years. We were placed with our son the end of 2011 and for the most part, I've been fine with our infertility. I have come to love adoption and loved being able to grow our family this way. But then difficult things come up, and it becomes a struggle again. And while I love adoption, I'm having a difficult time with it right now. We had another failed placement over a year ago (that makes three, we had two before we were placed with Jared). And now we're going through another possible failed placement. But this one has been SO much harder than the others. And the others were really hard for us.
We were chosen by a birth mother in September. She was expecting a boy due December 12th. Early morning on October 20th, I get a phone call that the baby had been born a few hours earlier and that the baby was actually a girl! Quite the surprise! Because she was born so early she was transferred to Oklahoma City for better care. I was able to go and spend about a week with her. I came back home and we were planning our next trip the following week, which Shalum would be coming with me this time. However, two days after I left, baby girl needed an emergency blood transfusion but the hospital couldn't get a hold of the birth mom. And since we weren't officially placed with her at that time (placement needed to happen in Arkansas, not Oklahoma) the hospital wouldn't contact us, nor would they even take our contact info. Since they couldn't get a hold of the birth mom, they called in social services on grounds of abandonment, so they could get a 'go ahead' for the transfusion.
And since she has been in Oklahoma State care, they have told us things that we needed to do and then came back saying that's not how it works and whoever told you that was wrong. (after we did what we were first told, which ended up costing us a lot of money. Adoption is expensive enough without adding unnecessary costs to it). They also rejected our current home study because it wasn't thorough enough, and will be requesting a new one through ICPC. (The adoption agency we initially did our home study through was blown away by that. They said their home studies have never been rejected before and the worst that had ever happened was an addendum was requested which usually happened with international adoptions.
Right now the caseworker is waiting on her social security card. I wish they had started working on this in November. It's March now and she was released from the hospital in January and has been in a foster home ever since. For more than two months now. They can't give us any details on how she's doing. I haven't seen her since she was two weeks old. I am struggling a great deal with this. The caseworker is often difficult to get a hold of. And I'm worried that if the foster family decides they want to adopt her, that a judge will rule in their favor. It has become a disaster and I don't know if/when we'll be placed with her. I'm missing this important bonding time with her. I'm missing her milestones. I'm missing her. I may not have given birth to her, but I fell in love with her while I was with her. And I am devastated by the way this has turned out. I just pray that she's doing well and being taken good care of. I'm also worried that if we are placed with her, what that transition might do to her. But I'm also worried what will happen to her if she isn't placed with us.
I'm back to hurting when I see babies and pregnant women. I'm struggling with how easy it is for others to have children and I'm also struggling with how much of an easier experience others I know have with adoption. Even with Jared there were some complications with the adoption, not the placement, but getting to the adoption. Some days I just want to quit and say forget it, it's too hard. While I say that, I know I'm not going to give up, even though I think it will be easier. But as the saying goes 'good things don't come easy'. I keep having to remind myself of that. And I know that somehow, I'll be better and stronger for this. I'm glad that I have a strong testimony of our Savior, the gospel, and Heavenly Father's plan of Salvation that I know this won't crush me. But it is certainly a very hard trial.
~Candice
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I am SO sorry about this adoption fiasco!! It sounds miserably frustrating and heartbreaking. It seems so unfair and it's hard to have experiences like this and look around and everyone else's life seems perfectly smooth. But--trust in the Lord. SO much easier said than done-I know, but its so important. I have learned a thing or two in the past several years and especially in the past year as I have earnestly drawn closer to Him and sought out His plan for me and that's is that He knows what is best. He knows where we are at and where we need to go and how best to get us there. Unfortunately this is never easy or painless. If it involves growing and stretching and deepening our faith and testimony then you can plan on it being painful and SO HARD! It's vital to trust Him and turn to Him and He can help you. pour out your heart to Him. No one can understand better than Him who went through this all before you did. He knows you and He loves you. Hang in there girl. You will overcome this also and you will be that much stronger and more prepared for whatever is next. I love you dearly! Love, Keira
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