Article I read on facebook and thought could be beneficial for others to read...

  Hello!!! I am not gone entirely! :) Just been really busy and preoccupied and not put a high priority on the blog, sorry. I have goals to keep updating regularly though, because it really is therapeutic for me. So come back often, and read about my life. This here is an article I read on facebook and brought a lot of emotions and thoughts. I thought it really could be beneficial for others to read as well. Helps to understand what some of us are feeling and going through as we struggle with our own levels of infertility. I will comment on it all in another post. Love you all. ~Keira



I was 31 when I got married, my wife 28- much later than the typical “Utah County Mormon” timeline. We’d each heard “when ya gonna get married?” plenty of times, as if choosing a spouse is like buying a car. Just go find one you like and sign the papers. Done.

But finally, sweet tender mercies, we found each other, got married, and started our life together in Lehi, Utah.

About a month later we saw my friend Adam and his wife in the produce section of the supermarket.

“Have you read the book we gave you yet?” Adam asked.
“Not yet.”
“Read it. Read it together! It’s thought provoking, and will do wonders for your relationship.”
“Will do. I’ll let you know what we think.”
“So when you gonna have kids?” He asked.

And I’m serious. That was literally his next question. We’d only been married a month. He knew that because he had gone to our reception.

I paused for a second.
“Oh, I don’t know Adam… Hopefully 9 months from this morning.” Followed by a sideways smile, winks, and a couple of those awkward fake elbow motions towards my wife’s ribcage.
It totally caught my wife off guard, and she stammered out an embarrassed comment–probably apologetic or something. We all got a good laugh, parted ways, and wished each other well.

That was the first time I realized that within the Mormon community, the you-need-to-follow-the-timeline question of “So, when you gonna get married”, had simply been replaced with “When you gonna have kids?” But we didn’t care. We were newlyweds. Plus, I was the last of 9 kids to get married, and ALL of my siblings were married with kids…so it was only natural to hear that question 10 times or so at family gatherings. We took it in stride because we knew everyone meant well, even though we laughed at how really personal that question was (more on that later).

We had fun with The Question–developing several replies:

1. The Fake Argument: “I don’t know, maybe when SOMEONE decides he is ready to be a FATHER.” followed by, “Well maybe SOMEBODY should start cleaning up after herself!”
2. The Worldly Answer: “Maybe after we save up enough money for a boat.”
3. The Shock the Asker Answer: “Meh… Hopefully never. We don’t like kids.”
4. The Intimate make-everyone-uncomfortable Answer: “Hopefully 9-months from this morning… eh? Eh? (wink wink)

She’s ready. I’m not.

Six months into our marriage, my wife wanted to start trying. But I wasn’t ready yet. I felt like we should wait a bit. My wife didn’t completely understand why I wanted to wait, so this lead to some minor disagreements. “When you gonna have kids?” transformed from silly question to something personal and invasive. When asked, I was reminded of how I was the one getting in the way, holding things up, whereas if my wife were to be asked–she’d think about how she was ready and I wasn’t.

After 1 year of marriage, I jumped on board, and we officially “started trying”.

A few months go by, and my wife still isn’t pregnant. Maybe because we were getting The Question so often, or maybe we felt some pressure because we got what our local society had deemed to be a “late start”, but for whatever reason, we felt incredibly impatient. We tried all the timing methods, but nothing happened. So we saw a doctor who told us some statistics about conception which calmed us down quite a bit. Basically, if everything is working right, you still only have (around) 20% chance of getting pregnant even if everything is timed perfectly. (I can’t remember the exact percentage, but it was along those lines). The woman who gets pregnant from the first attempt is actually an anomaly not the norm. The doctor told us to relax and continue trying, but that after 8 more months we still weren’t pregnant, then we would do some tests.

After a year of trying

A year flew by, and my wife was still not pregnant. We’d been married for 2 years, and had been asked The Question seemingly thousands of times. It was now a reminder of the disappointment we felt each month. We stopped having as much fun with the answers, and would say things like “As soon as Mother Nature cooperates”, or “As soon as God wants us to” with an almost resigned nature.

My wife’s sister, who got married within a few weeks of us, was pregnant for the second time. I think from washing their clothes together or something, they are seriously that fertile. My wife’s friends seemed to all be getting pregnant with ease. It seemed our whole neighborhood was pregnant. As Mormons, we are very family oriented–and having kids was a big part of that. We didn’t want to miss out.

I remember one time a woman in the ward we barely knew was talking to my wife:

Lady we barely knew: “When you going to have kids?”
My wife: “Well, we’re trying…”
Lady we barely knew: “Wait, how old are you?”
My wife: “Uh… 30?”
Lady we barely knew: “Well, maybe that’s the problem.”

My wife told me about it after church, shaking her head a little that someone would treat the age of 30 as the age of barrenness.

A word on procreation and family planning

Let’s take a break from my story and think about how personal the subject of family planning is:

Procreation itself not only involves the highest level of intimacy and the most private of private parts, but all kinds of other highly personal factors. From the very painful ones such as infertility, impotence, or miscarriages, to awkward topics like finances, or perhaps the contention that could arise from one spouse being super ready while the other is dragging their feet. We’ve all heard that each couple has that one recurring argument–and differing priorities on family planning can be one of the most sensitive and raw arguments a couple can have.

Getting the test results

After 2 years of trying with no success, we did what we were nervous to do, started getting tested.

Not long after, we were told the news we’d been dreading–though not necessarily the way we thought it would come.  I was completely infertile. As in ZERO. I emphasize zero because some men can have a low count… mine was zero.

I was devastated.

It was like someone had punched me in the solar plexus, and not only knocked the wind out of me, but had injected my entire body with an overwhelming feeling of inadequacy. My wife was in tears as she told me the results. I just remember feeling like my face was literally numb. I also remember trying to snap out of it, and made this hollow attempt at putting on a brave face. It was awful.

Shortly after that, we went to a Urologist that supposedly specialized in fertility issues, so we could get a bigger picture. He sent his assistant in to tell the news at first, but I insisted on hearing directly from him. So he came in begrudgingly and sat across that poorly lit room and told me I had “testicular failure”, and it was irreversible. I remember facing that Urologist trying to keep eye contact as if to show I could handle it, as bit by bit I felt my masculinity peeling away. 3 years before that, I’d been diagnosed with low Testosterone–and this visit had completed the trifecta of “Worst News for Guys”: Low Testosterone, Testicular Failure, and Sterility. Awesome. I felt like my last shred of manliness melted in the room of that Urologist. It was all I could do to keep from crying like a little boy. My wife described it much later as watching in horror as she could see my soul absolutely crushed.

I kept asking what our options were, and he said “Adoption or a donor. A donor is the cheapest way to go. But just never tell your kid or anyone else. Take it to the grave.”

We didn’t know what to think. So we didn’t discuss it at all for several months. As in, at all. We didn’t even mention it. A Molotov Cocktail had been thrown at our “Plan”–completely destroying it, and the despair was too heavy to discuss making a new one.  We dove into every form of  distraction possible, retreating into our self protection zone–we traveled, we worked, we hung out with friends… we never talked about having a baby.

At this point, “When you gonna have kids” became very painful to hear. As did some children references at church–the testimonies about having children, and being blessed with children, and how happy they are and how much God loves them because of the children they were sent, etc etc…. (I wish I was kidding about that last point) And now, it seemed like those talks and testimonies happened all the time. Kind of like when you have a sunburn and everyone seems to want to pat you on the back.  This sunburn just stung of  inadequacy.  Church became  a big source of pain and insensitivity at times.

We were super private about what was happening, so no one around us knew that when they were asking The Question, they were reminding us of something that could potentially never be. It took me about a year to become ok with the idea of using a donor for my side. Don’t ask me why it took me that long, it just did. It just felt weird, and when it comes to fertility, infertility, family planning, etc–there are all kinds of emotions that express themselves differently for each person. A few days after we started shopping for a donor, my wife was hospitalized for severe abdominal pain. Ultrasounds revealed an ovarian cyst the size of a grapefruit.

Emergency surgery.

After the surgery, the doctor showed me the photos. Endometriosis. Bad. As in, so bad, the ovaries were almost destroyed, but not removed in case there was a chance they could still function.  But he warned me that my wife had a very slim chance of ever having a child of her own, due to how bad the Endometriosis had gotten, and how bad the damage had been.

All this time I’d been the infertile partner in our marriage, and now it was likely the two of us. Our backup plan of using a donor was eliminated. Scratched off the list of possibilities.

The fragile walls I had built up as a coping mechanism came crashing down. Obliterated. And we went through an even more hopeless time. Fortunately, this wouldn’t last as long.

Let’s take another break from my story to make the final point to my post:

As I’ve said, family planning is super personal. And infertility is massively painful. Just remember that asking someone you don’t know too well about when they are going to have kids is far more personal than asking how much credit card debt they have. You have no idea what the couple is going through in that area of their lives.

My suggestions?

1. Don’t ask. It’s frankly none of your business. It’s as personal as asking how often they make love, and you’d never dream of asking that question. So don’t ask, let them bring it up if it comes up.
2. The culture within the church needs to change to be mindful of those who might possibly be in your group or congregation who are struggling with infertility. So don’t ever make statements that may make those with fertility issues feel excluded. “Unless you have a child of your own, you’ll NEVER understand the true love of a child” (true story). “Until you’re pregnant, you’ll never understand what it means to truly bond with your child…” etc etc–because maybe someone in that group just got the news that they will NEVER get pregnant. Just remember, not everyone is following your timeline, and not everyone CAN follow your timeline–but would love to.
3. If you find out that someone is struggling with infertility, please please please love them with everything you got. Hug them if you can. Cry with them if you can. A dream of theirs just got shattered and taken away. Yes, there’s adoption, but let them accept that later on. Be with them NOW, as if they’d just lost a loved one. Trust me, whatever brave face they are showing you is trying to hide some serious pain of all kinds.

Epilogue to my story:

Here is where I give mad props to my wife. She did not give up. After seeing about 6 different doctors, she still researched until she found a specialist in male infertility up at the U of U (Named Dr Meikle–not sure if he’s still practicing, but I highly recommend him if he is). We scheduled an appt, and we tentatively went to see him. At this point, I’d been on Androgel for low testosterone for 4 years. He took me off it right away. Said that in some rare cases, that can kill sperm count. He took some other measurements too, and found that other things were high that should have been lower. He warned me that going off artificial Testosterone would make me “feel lousy”, which was the biggest understatement of the year–but that’s a story for another time.

The entire process of working with Dr Meikle took about 9 months. This involved going off Androgel for a few months, having bloodwork done, going on other medications, having bloodwork done etc.

At the end of all of this I got measured again for swimmers….  which timeline-wise, was about a month after my wife’s surgery where we found out her ovaries were destroyed.

I was producing normal…. 106 million. So my body was all systems go.  Now it was my wife’s turn to get bloodwork done, dye tests, more bloodwork, etc. Miraculously, in the middle of all of these tests, my wife became pregnant. With mine and her genetics, totally natural. We were ECSTATIC to say the least! We had a boy 7 months later (he came a little early) and named him Matthew–which means “Gift from God”. I’m actually hesitant to include that, because remember wondering why God would bless others with children and not us, but we would have named him that regardless of how he came into our lives–adoption, a donor, 2 donors, etc.

17 months later, Matthew’s little sister arrived. We’re now a family of 4.

I don’t attempt to speak for all issues that can cause infertility. There are dozens of potential causes. In our specific example, it was the medication Androgel that I used (don’t ask me why at least 6 different doctors, including specialists, saw that on my chart and didn’t take me off of it) which told my pituitary to stop producing testosterone and dropped my count to zero.

And I know that our total of 4 years of trying, and 3-ish of thinking we were infertile pales in comparison to what others have gone through.

But the pain is very real. It’s crushing, discouraging, disheartening pain…. and if anyone reading this is going through the pain of infertility I just want you to know you are loved, and I wish I could give you a hug right now. I feel for you. It’s an awful feeling, and I pray for peace for you to get through it.

The last six months...

I can't believe it has been about 6 months since my last entry. Life has been busy and I have been a little wary about getting back on and sharing, unsure why. I felt like I was doing really good about opening up and sharing very personal and painful thoughts and experiences and since time has passed I have closed up.
   So, let's play a little catch up. Last July we moved into our newly bought home in Santaquin Utah. We love it!! We have almost 2200 square feet and a half acre to play in. It is an old home, and with that comes potential problems and projects. Good news/bad news kinda thing. I love projects and upgrades and all that great stuff, but it always takes longer and more money than what you plan on. Hopefully it will be a little bit at a time, right? So, the past 6 months we have been busy really making it our own. With the new home we also got a little addition, our black lab/german shepherd puppy, Sierra. Well, she isn't really a puppy anymore, she weighs about 95 pounds. She has been so fun and brought us so much joy! Unfortunately Bella   (our little 8 pound terrier) has had a hard time adjusting. It has been an experience for all of us! ;)
  In our new ward we were called very quickly to teach the sunbeams.To be honest I was very unhappy with the calling, but we accepted. I was frustrated that we would be unable to get to know anyone in the ward, and I was also worried about teaching the young ones when my heart is so tender and aches for and lacks my own. I can now say that Heavenly Father knows me personally and what I need to be able to learn and grow to become who He needs me to become. It has been a wonderful experience!! It has allowed me to open my heart and be able to help fill that void. I love those little kids! I think about them all the time, and I feel like it is just an addition to my already 20 nieces and nephews. The first several weeks in the class I accidentally referred to me as Aunt and Mike as Uncle....:) Whoops. Comes naturally nowadays.                     I have learned how to teach young kids the gospel, about Christ and help them learn and grow, which I am so grateful for!!
    Okay, I started this post back in November and half of it got deleted as I was typing so I saved what I had left of  it and got off in frustration. So, now it is January and I have a little more things going on in my life. Back in November I had pretty severe abdominal pain at work. I couldn't go home without penalty and so I continued to work. At one point I ran to the bathroom and threw up for the next half hour. Feeling much better, I went back out to work. Within an hour I was passed out on the ground. This experience has spiraled into so many different tests, so many different diagnoses, a trip to the E.R. and on. My dr. is pretty sure I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and certain foods or stress can certainly aggravate it. In all the tests that have been taken they have found elevated liver enzymes, and they cannot figure out why. I got an ultrasound done friday and it came back normal, which is a good news/bad news type thing. I wanted them to find the problem, assuming it was minor, and tell me this is how you fix it, and voila all better- not the case. Well, I have an EGD scheduled for the 24 of this month and that is where they put the camera down your throat and look into your stomach to see if they can see any problems. Assuming this will be the same as everything else and will come back normal. My mom told me I just need to keep a food diary and learn what I can eat and those things I need to stay away from, because I know that something is wrong, but the tests are showing it is nothing serious, so that is good news. Just frustrating that I have to figure this all out the hard way. Personally, I think MOST of the problems and pain is caused by stress. I am constantly stressed out so much that it is hard to function. In the last month our furnace went out, and we had a pipe break and flooding in our laundry room, all of which is on top of the medical tests/bills/and pain causing stress on top of already much stress. I am trying to be able to manage my stress better this year. Any ideas?
  I am exercising and eating a lot healthier, and so I think that is something that will help over time as I continue to do it. Its not an instant fix, but will take time.  I am doing better this year at reading my scriptures and allowing myself to feel and that way I can hopefully cope better with trials.
  I am alive, and well, I have just been so busy and unable to get on here and update. Life is well, and I am so thankful for the gospel of hope and peace. I just need to grab onto that peace and not let anyone or anything get me down. Life continue to moves on. I love you all and am thankful for all my friends and family that support me-Thank You!
 Love, Keira

Well, it has been a long, long time since I last wrote. Life is hard, and it continues to be hard.
We celebrated our 7 years together in April at the same time finding out the Mikes younger brother and wife are expecting twins after being married a year. A couple months after that we find out that Mikes older brother and wife are expecting their 4 after one round of Clomid. Meanwhile I am on my 3 round of clomid and I have no end in sight. I started doing clomid awhile ago, and felt like keeping it a secret. I don't know. Just didn't want to deal with a lot of questions and getting other peoples hopes up, because having my own to deal with is more than enough. So surprise to anyone who didn't know. Mike and I are doing clomid, but no surprise to everyone that it continues to not work. OH WELL!! What does seem to work on overload is the oh-so-unpleasant side affects of the dang stuff!! It has helped regulate my period, since after my D&C it has been crazy, so for that I am super thankful. However, I also have PMS times 10 atleast. I can't seem to be ok with anything or anyone for that matter. EVERYTHING annoys me or hurts my feelings in one way or another. Its actually quite humorous when I can look back on it. :) I also have the WORST. MIGRAINES. EVER!! On top of that I have hot sweats bad. Mostly just at night, but I wake up soaked with sweat. It's disgusting!! But I am freezing at the same time. Horrible, horrible side affects of clomid!!
   So, I was a little concerned, so I got on a medical website and looked up the side affects of clomid, and yes, they are all normal. So, I am normal......yet oh-so-not normal like everyone else taking clomid. Oh the joys...
  Well, on a happier note, although it has nothing to do with fertility :Mike and I are buying our first home. SOOOO EXCITED!! It has been a roller coaster of a ride, but this part of it is coming to a close. We should be closing the end of the month if all goes well. It is in Santaquin, Utah. It has 4 bedrooms and 1/2 acre to play in, and have a GIGANTIC garden. I love being outside and growing stuff, so I am anxious to get going and make it my own. I will update as things move along, but we are just currently busy working, and packing, and playing.
 Love you all and hope all is well!!
Love, Keira

Patience

I read a friend's blog the other day (one who struggles with infertility) and I really liked one of her posts. She was actually quoting from one of her friend's blogs (who also struggles with it). And you know, we often feel like we're alone in our struggles when we see so many people with children, but if you really look around there are so many people who struggle with infertility, just like Keira and I.
Anyway, the post was about the friend and how her and her husband were waiting to be chosen to adopt. A woman in her ward asked how the adoption process was and she told her they were approved and now just waiting. The woman then told her that it will happen when it's supposed to and that she just needed to learn to be patient. One of her best friends had overheard and put her arm around her and said that she has been patient and that she thinks her patience is really amazing.
When I read that I was like WOW, right on friend! I can't tell you how many times I've been told that it will happen when it's supposed to and that I just need to be patient. Well, hello...I had been patient...for years. Yes I had my moments of depression and anger, but overall I have been VERY patient, because quite honestly, I had no other choice...well I could have hid under a rock and let the anger and depression rule and devour me, but since I wanted to LIVE, I had no choice but to BE patient.
And now I have a son...finalization is next month and then it will be official...and oh how I love my little man. He is my world. I cannot imagine not having him in my life and I thank Heavenly Father every day for him. But I still deal with infertility. I'll admit, almost every time I hear someone's pregnant, my heart cringes a little still. My mom says the struggles of infertility always stay with you. It took my mom 4 1/2 years to get pregnant, and she suffered with me because she knew what it was like. She knew the longings I felt, she had comments made to her, and she said part if it stays with you.
I do know that we can let it go by turning it over to Jesus Christ because he took upon our sorrows in Gethsemane, but it can also take a lifetime to learn how to do it. But I know if we continue to endure and continue to strive with all our might to enjoy life, to remain faithful, and to serve Him then we CAN overcome our struggles. But when we're in the midst of our struggles it is one of the hardest things to do. And I know I'll continue to struggle with infertility, but it won't be like before. Because now I have Jax. But it will still be hard at times...despite my patience.

~Candice

Blessings of the Priesthood

On sunday we had a lesson in relief society about the blessings and power of the priesthood. Near the end of the lesson our instructor was asking people for experiences where they or someone they know was blessed by the priesthood and their testimonies of it. So, many people shared experiences where they had blessings and miracles happened, and things worked out. And yes, I have been given many blessings especially before and after my surgeries, and I have a testimony of the power and miracle of the priesthood. But, I thought after I went home about what it means when you are given a blessing and the promises made to you do not come to pass. What does it mean? Why does that happen? I was upset that I didn't think about it until later that night, because otherwise I would have asked the sisters in my relief society their thoughts on it. So, I am asking anyone who may read this. What are your thoughts? I truly felt that I had the faith for the blessings to come to pass, and continued with that faith until the bitter end when it was all confirmed to me that what I was indeed promised was not happening. Why? I have been wondering and have had a lot of questions about it since that time. Tell me your thoughts.
~Keira

hopeless

Its been awhile since I last wrote, and I have no good excuse for that. My lack of writing is due to the fact that nothing has changed, and I have really been struggling. I foolishly thought that since I got pregnant last August miscarried in October and had the D&C in November, pregnancy was going to come easily and naturally again. So, in December when I had a regular period, we tried the very unromantic and tedious job of timing sex around my ovulation. I hate that!! I really do, but we did it. Well, January came and the time I was to start came and went and so I naturally thought that for sure, I must be pregnant. I was trying to notice any signs or symptoms. It went on for about a week, and then the oh so unfriendly reminder came to reassure me that indeed I am not pregnant. I was bummed, really bummed, but as I have come very accustomed to I move on. Try again for next month.
   Well, we tried timing the ovulation again. February came and went with no period. I was for sure I was pregnant. I seemed to have so many symptoms, even morning sickness seemed to hit for three days straight of random throwing up. It was miserable, but oh so worth it, since I was very sure I must be pregnant. I took about 3 pregnancy tests during the month of february, and let down everytime a negative one showed. But, I had not started yet, so maybe it was just too soon to tell. It must be too soon, because I am pregnant, I kept telling myself.
  Well, reality hit on March 2. I was devastated!! I just lost it. No hope left. It doesn't help that we celebrate our 7 year anniversary next month. 7 years, and we are still left hoping for children. Really? How long is this going to go on? Can't I just know if we will have children in this life? If not, I could move on and quit hoping and being let down month after month. That is what kills me, the let down.
   Before I got pregnant, I really seemed to come to terms with it, and was trying to be happy with my life as it was, and move on. I felt like it was going to be ok. Then, unexpectedly I get pregnant, and my life is flipped upside down. I lose my baby, and I feel like I am now back at square one where all I think about is children of my own, thats all I want, that is always on my mind, and I am am just left with an empty feeling continually.
   To me, it seemed that Heavenly Father didn't like that I was ok before and tried to push kids out of my mind and just enjoy my life, which is why I got pregnant, which then forced it to the front of my mind. Then I miscarry, and it still is on the front of my mind which makes me very discouraged and unhappy.
   I have been feeling empty, unhappy, and frustrated. I am out of hope, and what else is there when there is no hope?

Trials and the atonement

I am feeling better! Actually I have been feeling better for quite some time, but been down with a cold, and so still been keeping low and trying to rest to get rid of this cold that is going on 3 weeks! Down no more, I am moving on cold or no cold, and getting out and getting things done! :)
   So, I have been in retrospect the past month about trials, (particularly mine) the purpose of them, and how to overcome them. I was at work and was thinking and talking to myself about the many things I have learned throughout my infertility journey. I have gone through a lot. I have felt deep sorrow, but I am still here, I am still married, and I still have my testimony! What an amazing comfort, and blessing!!!
     I have completely been immersed in books the past couple months. I am constantly reading. My sister bought me the book "Lost Children"-coping with miscarriage for Latter Day Saints. I read it in a couple hours, and man! what a comfort that was. Just to have someone else who knows what I have gone through first hand, and explains the grieving process. It was comforting to hear that what I was feeling and going through was normal and healthy as I have been working through the stages of grief. I highly reccomend it to anyone dealing with miscarriage. I have also read book entitled "Infertility"-Hope, healing, and comfort. Also, very good. In both of these books there was a section included for those that don't suffer with infertility themselves, but for families or friends that do and they want to give help and comfort. Stay tuned: I will post some of those comments later, as most people likely won't read the books unless they are the ones suffering with it first hand.
   Another book I am reading was only by inspiration. Let me explain: At work on this particular day I had a lot of time to just let my mind wander and think. Unfortunately my  particular frustration this day was that we were being pressured to MOVE ON! Quit feeling sad, and get out and get over it. I was not ready. I knew it, and Heavenly Father knew that I was not ready for it. I heal, I do. But it takes time. So, because our friends were making me feel like I was behind, and wasn't healing, and I should be feeling better and "over it" by now I was completely overwhelmed and frustrated. I started praying at work. And then I started listening and thinking and letting my mind wander. I started thinking about the atonement of Christ. He suffered for our sins, but also for pain, sorrow, heart break, etc. So, I know as we are taught the process of repentance and gaining forgiveness of sins, which covers the sins Christ took upon Himself, but what about the rest? How do we gain the peace, healing, and comfort promised through the atonement? Is it just given? Well, I have been doing a lot of research. I have been praying and going to the temple. I have been searching to find out more about the atonement. It lead me to the book entitled The Broken Heart-applying the atonement to life's experiences. I have learned that in order to gain the comfort, healing, and peace you need to be doing what we do anyway. We need to be praying, fasting, going to the temple, reading our scriptures. I have been doing all those things. Showing our Father we have faith, and we continue to move on, and He will grant us the healing in His time. It is not instantaneous, just like forgiveness of our sins is a process which takes time, so does the peace and healing. We show our Heavenly Father by our actions and how dilligent we are in seeking Him, and then we have faith that the healing will come, and it does! It has come. I have truly felt so much better! There is still more healing that is needed each day as I need different things,  but I know that Christ is there, and His atonement does cover all.
   I Love this gospel, and the peace, and hope we have!!
 Thank you for those that have prayed so hard for us. We have felt the strength and peace, and I have no doubt that your prayers, love and support have brought it to us!
 I love you all!
~Keira