I just felt like I needed to get on and say how thankful I am for a few good friends and family members. My sister Nyree and her husband Stephen have been such a HUGE support and strength for both Mike and I. I am so thankful for their love and their understanding. We have been blessed to have them come down and see them for a couple of days, and we even got to have a sleep over with their three oldest kids. It has been what I needed. Just to know that someone is there who really does care, and is not just saying that they care because it's the right thing to do. Thanks so much! I love you guys!
Another little random blessing....I got a call from a highschool friend that I had not heard of for more than ten years. We were able to go hang out, and just talk. It seriously was what I needed. Someone to listen and understand me while I talk, and then give feedback and insight. She and her husband struggled for a short time (although no time of waiting seems like a short time) with infertility, and now they have the most adorable little boy. She helped lift my spirits and strengthen me, which I doubted could happen for quite some time. Thanks so very much Mel! You may never know how much good you have done, and how I am so grateful for you.
The past couple of months on Sundays I have been touched and spoken to through the music throughout our meetings. It will never cease to amaze me how the songs I know by heart, and that I have heard so many times can say and mean something different to me. Every single sunday something in one of the songs we sing speaks to me. Gives me strength, or peace and comfort. Seriously. I have been so keenly aware of the fact that God knows who I am and EXACTLY what I need. Wow! Really? I am so blessed. I am so truly blessed!
All day throughout work my mind has been on Mike. I think about Mike a lot, but today was somehow different. I thought about him, his character, his strengths, his passions, his interests, his hopes and dreams, his love and undying support. I have been completely in awe of him. I love him so much and am so incredibly grateful for him. He is such a good man. He is an example to everyone around him. I could not have asked for a better companion. So, I have been struck with so much gratitude for Mike and all he has done and continues to do that I feel the burden of infertility lifted. Atleast temporarily. Atleast I have Mike by my side, through it all. Really, I feel like even if we never have children in this life, I have a great, supportive companion by my side, and that makes me so much more richly blessed than many people. I hope that I can be a better person and be more worthy of Mike and his love and support.
So, about 3 weeks ago Mike and I were talking about eternal families, and how everything will be made right for us, eventually. And I got to thinking about how important eternal families are, and how people who have passed onto the other side are burdened down and waiting for their work to be done, so that they can all be eternal families. Their work has to be done for them, and they are looking to us. So, I felt in my heart, that with how much I want to have my own children and have an eternal family, there are those that feel the same way and can't do it for themselves. So, we have made a commitment to go to the temple way more often and do their work for them. Maybe...just maybe I have been required to wait for my own eternal family so that I can help others secure theirs. I am super excited about this. Mike and I are going to go to different temples, and so we may get a little mini vacation out of it once we hit all of them around here. What a fun, fairly inexpensive (until we get Utah temples out), and easily attainable goal with so many blessings attached for us as well as for others.
I am so thankful! I am so blessed! Life is starting to turn into a rainbow rather than all that ugly gloomy rain!
I love you all.
~Keira
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Anxious
So I'm really anxious, have been for the past week and a half. We're meeting the birth mother in a little over a week, but the more I think about it, the less anxious I get. Our caseworker talked to her a few days ago and asked her how she was feeling about the adoption, and she said she was feeling really good about it. But what's really making me anxious is the birth father. He apparently doesn't want to place the baby for adoption. So this is a high risk adoption, and it's making me extremely anxious. I'm hoping and praying it all works out without any problems. I'm desperately hoping we'll be able to adopt this little baby. But I've been thinking, and it makes me sad that in order for us to have this joy in our lives, it's causing another heartache. I just wish everything could work out perfectly and happily for everyone. But then that's not the point of coming to earth, is it? We need these trials in our lives to test our faith and make us stronger. We need to prove that we're worthy and ready to live with our Heavenly Father again. It's just hard sometimes, isn't it?
~Candice
~Candice
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Good News....What am I talking about? It's better than good, it's the bestest of the best!
Wednesday Shalum and I got a phone call from our caseworker. And guess what? A birth mother has chosen us to adopt her little baby! I am so excited! It took a while to get over the shock. Part of me was thinking it was never going to happen. But along with the excitement, I'm also a nervous wreck. What if she changes her mind? What if she doesn't like us when we meet? What if, what if, what if. A million thoughts have been going through my head, and I haven't gotten much sleep, because my mind can't shut off at night. We're meeting her June 13th, tentatively. We're waiting to hear back if that day works for her. And to be honest, I'm terrified to meet her. I'm afraid she's not going to like us, or that I'll be so nervous I won't be able to be myself and she'll think I'm most lame. Hopefully all will go well. She's due July 21st, just two months away. We don't know the sex yet, not that it matters to us, we would love to have either. I can't even begin to express my gratitude for being chosen and having this opportunity. And I'm so thankful for this birth mother for giving us this chance. I know it isn't easy for her. She already has other children and loves them, and she's having a hard time imagining not keeping the one she carries now. But she doesn't feel as if she can raise this child right now because she has a lot on her plate. My heart goes out to her, for what she's going through and for this difficult decision she's making. But I'm also most grateful for this chance we have of raising a child. This is our dream come true, what we have been wanting and waiting for for almost 8 years. And perhaps the shock hasn't completely worn off because I still can't believe this is happening!
Friday, May 20, 2011
Broken Dreams
Here I am waiting to start work and I have slept very little. One hour of sleep is barely sufficient for me to function when I am emotionally well, but, well I am not. I just pray that work will be ok, and I will be given strength on all levels to be able to handle what today offers. I lied awake for hours upon hours last night thinking about what I thought I had successfully buried deep within myself, never really allowing myself the time and opporunity to work through my emotions and experience true healing. The last couple of weeks I have had a similar experience that Candice had expressed earlier. I too thought I was pregnant. I had some of the signs, and I guess I wanted it so bad and felt I needed it (in a sense) to be able to heal from our recent loss, that for sure this time was it. Isn't it?? Surely Heavenly Father was finally going to bless us after feeling so much pain and loss over the last month.Well, I really felt like it was, and I prayed, pleaded and basically begged my Heavenly Father to please let it be. Please! Please! More than anything else, p.l.e.a.s.e!
But, alas, no is the answer I have come to know well. Or possibly not yet, but it is seemingly the same hopeless answer that I have come to resent. Why?! Why do I have to wait, when others don't?! Why??!!! I think angrily. Why not me? Am I not good enough? Am I not faithful enough? Would I be a terrible mom and therefore God is protecting His children from me? Why? Why can't I get answers that I need so desperately bad? Will I ever be a mom? Will I ever know why I have been denied this most holiest of callings? Will I ever be able to open my heart enough again to give it the opportunity to be made whole and allow my dreams to come true? Will I ever be able to look back over the years and not feel such a sense of loss and pain? Will I ever be able to attend a baby shower or blessing and truly feel joy for another without feeling pain, and ultimately feeling myself close up and lock out the world yet again?
So, here I go over the feelings and ultimately unanswered questions that have been floating continually through my mind throughout the night just waiting for the sweet release of sleep. Unfortunate for me, sleep is not coming. I don't even have the sweet release of sleep now! Is absolutely everything of value to be taken from me? Well, as I lied awake I came to a very stark realization of myself. I have come to know that I have not so much been healing the past month and a half, but have only buried my feelings for fear of what they might bring, and masking my emotions with food. Then I have been telling myself that indeed, I feel better, so I must be healing and getting better, only not. Not coming to terms with it, and learning to cope with my emotions is a time bomb waiting to happen, but I do it so completely without realizing it. I have felt so much pain over the years, that I guess I am trying to save myself from more unwanted pain by just the act of not allowing myself to feel. I have put up a barricade, and not allowing myself to feel has also kept the promptings, and ispiration as naught. So, a sleepless night is what it takes to finally be able to get through this thick head and stone covered heart of mine. Not my ideal time, which is probably why I am most likely to listen. Listen carefully to what my body is telling me it needs to heal, but also listening carefully for spiritual guidance and promptings.
This quiet time of listening has lead me to the realization that I am not doing any good by burying my feelings and emotion. Yes, I seem to more easily be able to handle each day: to cope, go on living, and muster up enough joy in life to make me feel semi-normal again, but I am not giving myself the time and the opportunity to sort through all my feelings to be able to cope and move on a healthier and happier person. Because I have focused my time and energy on burying unwanted feelings, I have told myself and really sincerely felt like I have been getting better. Better, but feeling not really better at the same time. People ask how I am, and I honestly say I am getting better, and the days are seeming easier, and its true. I am, and they are, however it is not because I am healing. I know now why I feel better temporarily, but it doesn't stay for very long. Am I getting better? yes, I am GETTING better. Close to being myself and feeling whole again? No, but I am determined to get there! Hopefully a little faster and more steadily now that I have realized I've been keeping myself from healing. I need to sort through my feelings and be able to cope healthily with them in order to heal.
I guess in a way I don't want my heart to be healed. Now, before you go securing me a place in the nut house, let me explain:
I have never felt so much pain and heartbreak in my life. My feelings were so raw, and not easily pushed aside, that it scared me. I have been treading on new ground on a painful and heart wrenching level, and I don't feel ready. Ready or not though, its been thrown at me, and I have to learn to cope. I am treading carefully so as to not have to stay here any longer than is needful. So many prayers have been offered by me and other loved ones in my behalf. I know that my savior Jesus Christ knows the pain my heart is feeling. He knows, because He experienced it. He knows the condition my heart is in, and the condition it needs to be in. I know that with my faith in Him, my heart can be healed. But, I also know that with a healed heart, it can also be broken again. There will be steps that I need to take after the healing that can and likely will cause more break, and pain, which then requires more faith and more healing. Am I willing to do that? Do I even have enough faith to be healed? Do I trust my Heavenly Father and in His plan for me? I so badly want to keep the stone I have placed in and around my heart as I have tried to piece it back together the best I know how, rather then pulling out the stone (ultimately allowing myself to feel pain and cope with it) and then allowing God to properly heal it. A poem I have run across a hundred times finally takes on new meaning:
BROKEN DREAMS
As children bring
their broken toys
with tears
for us to mend,
I brought my broken
dreams to God
because He was
my friend.
But instead of
leaving Him in peace
to work alone,
I hung around and
tried to help with ways
that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried,
"How can you
be so slow?"
"My child", He said,
"What could I do?
You never let them go."
~Keira
But, alas, no is the answer I have come to know well. Or possibly not yet, but it is seemingly the same hopeless answer that I have come to resent. Why?! Why do I have to wait, when others don't?! Why??!!! I think angrily. Why not me? Am I not good enough? Am I not faithful enough? Would I be a terrible mom and therefore God is protecting His children from me? Why? Why can't I get answers that I need so desperately bad? Will I ever be a mom? Will I ever know why I have been denied this most holiest of callings? Will I ever be able to open my heart enough again to give it the opportunity to be made whole and allow my dreams to come true? Will I ever be able to look back over the years and not feel such a sense of loss and pain? Will I ever be able to attend a baby shower or blessing and truly feel joy for another without feeling pain, and ultimately feeling myself close up and lock out the world yet again?
So, here I go over the feelings and ultimately unanswered questions that have been floating continually through my mind throughout the night just waiting for the sweet release of sleep. Unfortunate for me, sleep is not coming. I don't even have the sweet release of sleep now! Is absolutely everything of value to be taken from me? Well, as I lied awake I came to a very stark realization of myself. I have come to know that I have not so much been healing the past month and a half, but have only buried my feelings for fear of what they might bring, and masking my emotions with food. Then I have been telling myself that indeed, I feel better, so I must be healing and getting better, only not. Not coming to terms with it, and learning to cope with my emotions is a time bomb waiting to happen, but I do it so completely without realizing it. I have felt so much pain over the years, that I guess I am trying to save myself from more unwanted pain by just the act of not allowing myself to feel. I have put up a barricade, and not allowing myself to feel has also kept the promptings, and ispiration as naught. So, a sleepless night is what it takes to finally be able to get through this thick head and stone covered heart of mine. Not my ideal time, which is probably why I am most likely to listen. Listen carefully to what my body is telling me it needs to heal, but also listening carefully for spiritual guidance and promptings.
This quiet time of listening has lead me to the realization that I am not doing any good by burying my feelings and emotion. Yes, I seem to more easily be able to handle each day: to cope, go on living, and muster up enough joy in life to make me feel semi-normal again, but I am not giving myself the time and the opportunity to sort through all my feelings to be able to cope and move on a healthier and happier person. Because I have focused my time and energy on burying unwanted feelings, I have told myself and really sincerely felt like I have been getting better. Better, but feeling not really better at the same time. People ask how I am, and I honestly say I am getting better, and the days are seeming easier, and its true. I am, and they are, however it is not because I am healing. I know now why I feel better temporarily, but it doesn't stay for very long. Am I getting better? yes, I am GETTING better. Close to being myself and feeling whole again? No, but I am determined to get there! Hopefully a little faster and more steadily now that I have realized I've been keeping myself from healing. I need to sort through my feelings and be able to cope healthily with them in order to heal.
I guess in a way I don't want my heart to be healed. Now, before you go securing me a place in the nut house, let me explain:
I have never felt so much pain and heartbreak in my life. My feelings were so raw, and not easily pushed aside, that it scared me. I have been treading on new ground on a painful and heart wrenching level, and I don't feel ready. Ready or not though, its been thrown at me, and I have to learn to cope. I am treading carefully so as to not have to stay here any longer than is needful. So many prayers have been offered by me and other loved ones in my behalf. I know that my savior Jesus Christ knows the pain my heart is feeling. He knows, because He experienced it. He knows the condition my heart is in, and the condition it needs to be in. I know that with my faith in Him, my heart can be healed. But, I also know that with a healed heart, it can also be broken again. There will be steps that I need to take after the healing that can and likely will cause more break, and pain, which then requires more faith and more healing. Am I willing to do that? Do I even have enough faith to be healed? Do I trust my Heavenly Father and in His plan for me? I so badly want to keep the stone I have placed in and around my heart as I have tried to piece it back together the best I know how, rather then pulling out the stone (ultimately allowing myself to feel pain and cope with it) and then allowing God to properly heal it. A poem I have run across a hundred times finally takes on new meaning:
BROKEN DREAMS
As children bring
their broken toys
with tears
for us to mend,
I brought my broken
dreams to God
because He was
my friend.
But instead of
leaving Him in peace
to work alone,
I hung around and
tried to help with ways
that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried,
"How can you
be so slow?"
"My child", He said,
"What could I do?
You never let them go."
~Keira
Monday, May 16, 2011
CRAP
That's what the last few weeks have been. Crap. A few weeks ago I thought I was pregnant. I was convinced I was. And I was ecstatic. For five days I thought this. Turns out, I wasn't. So you might be able to imagine how devastated I was. I fell hard. And then, I guess because I didn't fall hard enough or something, 3 days after realizing I wasn't pregnant, I found out my niece is and then the following day I found out my nephew's wife is. And then a few days after that was Mother's Day (need I say more?). And then to top it all off, I found out yesterday that another sister-in-law is expecting. It's all hitting me all at once, and I am near my breaking point. No kidding. My faith is being tested. And I believe I'm falling short, because I'm finding that at the moment I don't care about...anything. I don't care to see anyone. I don't care to go anywhere. I don't care to go to church anymore (granted I'm not going to stop going. I'm struggling more than I ever have before, but my testimony is still here. It's more I just don't want to see anyone or hear about how important families are. Not to mention I'm actually feeling pretty angry at God right now.) I don't care to do anything. I don't care if I hurt anyone's feelings by anything I might say. I. Just. Don't. Care. I know that might sound awful, but let me repeat myself, I don't care. So all I've pretty much got to say at the moment is...crap.
Candice
Candice
Thursday, May 12, 2011
It has been a long, very hard week. I have really struggled a lot, and been mad and frustrated with myself that I am not happy and over this whole failed adoption thing yet. I want to just move on and be happy like I was before, but the healing process is very s.l.o.w. I have had a lot of thoughts constantly swirling around my head, and making any sense out of them takes a lot of work. My emotions are all over the place.
My first big wake up call was when I was basically told about two weeks after the failed adoption that I should be feeling better and be ready to try agagin, and that because I am still struggling and feeling really sad that maybe I need to go talk to my dr. about depression. That was maybe two weeks after the ball came crashing down. Two weeks for crying out loud! Really? So, I feel like I have lost a child, and I should be feeling better within two weeks, and because I am not yet, I seriously need to go see my dr? I felt like it was totally insensitive, and I felt after that point that something was wrong with me. I guess I thought that any "normal" person would have been over this and lining back up at the agency for another chance at adoption. I am just not ready for that yet. Is that ok? Not for some people, I guess. I need to speed up my healing process so that I can please everyone, meanwhile not pleasing myself. It is killing me with all the pressure, and the ideas that everyone has that will help me, or blah blah blah! I know that the only people who knows and understands me and how I feel and what I need is Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Yes, there are others who have gone though a failed adoption, however everyone handles it differently, and uniqely as we are all different and unique. So, I am turning to Him for comfort and healing. Unfortunately, just like physical healing, emotional healing takes time. I wish it was all over by now, but I know that I need more time. I am better than I was, and as I look back and see that, I am eternally grateful for the healing that is taking place, no matter how slow. I know that I am being strengthened and lifted to be able to handle this, and on my darkest and hardest days, I am literally being carried.
I am so grateful for a few close friends of Mike and I that have really been sensitive to our needs, and been so thoughtful. It is such a gift that these people don't know exactly how we feel, or what we are going through because they have not been there, but yet they are kind, thoughtful, and sensitive. What a huge blessing! Thank you! Mike works with a very nice guy who we had informed about the adoption when we were trying to get everything ready and prepared. Well, he asked Mike yesterday how it was all going, and Mike told him what happened. He was so sorry. Oh, you could tell that he really felt some of the pain that we felt, and he felt that for us! He came up and said how sorry he was for me, and even that small gesture, was huge. Then, he went home that night and called his brother who works for lds family services in Texas, and told him what had happened, to kind of see what we were having to deal with. His brother told him that it is very traumatic and hard for most couples to deal with. It is losing a child, or like having one of your children die. Would you be able to get over that in a couple weeks? He told Lyle of a lady that had the same senario happen, and a year later the lady went back to get therapy, because she could not get over the grief. She was still struggling so bad even a year later.
Does that give ya'll a wake up call? This is not easy. It is not something that you can just "get over" in a few short weeks. It takes time. I need time. I know that I will overcome this and try again, but not before I am ready. I need the healing power of the spirit, and I am getting little glimmers of hope and light as the days go by. It doesn't mean I am over it, or even close to being over it, but I am moving forward. I have turned my burden over to my Savior, and since I did that through prayer and have relied on Him, I felt the burden being literally lifted. I have felt better, and been able to see many blessings that have come through this experience.
~Keira
My first big wake up call was when I was basically told about two weeks after the failed adoption that I should be feeling better and be ready to try agagin, and that because I am still struggling and feeling really sad that maybe I need to go talk to my dr. about depression. That was maybe two weeks after the ball came crashing down. Two weeks for crying out loud! Really? So, I feel like I have lost a child, and I should be feeling better within two weeks, and because I am not yet, I seriously need to go see my dr? I felt like it was totally insensitive, and I felt after that point that something was wrong with me. I guess I thought that any "normal" person would have been over this and lining back up at the agency for another chance at adoption. I am just not ready for that yet. Is that ok? Not for some people, I guess. I need to speed up my healing process so that I can please everyone, meanwhile not pleasing myself. It is killing me with all the pressure, and the ideas that everyone has that will help me, or blah blah blah! I know that the only people who knows and understands me and how I feel and what I need is Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Yes, there are others who have gone though a failed adoption, however everyone handles it differently, and uniqely as we are all different and unique. So, I am turning to Him for comfort and healing. Unfortunately, just like physical healing, emotional healing takes time. I wish it was all over by now, but I know that I need more time. I am better than I was, and as I look back and see that, I am eternally grateful for the healing that is taking place, no matter how slow. I know that I am being strengthened and lifted to be able to handle this, and on my darkest and hardest days, I am literally being carried.
I am so grateful for a few close friends of Mike and I that have really been sensitive to our needs, and been so thoughtful. It is such a gift that these people don't know exactly how we feel, or what we are going through because they have not been there, but yet they are kind, thoughtful, and sensitive. What a huge blessing! Thank you! Mike works with a very nice guy who we had informed about the adoption when we were trying to get everything ready and prepared. Well, he asked Mike yesterday how it was all going, and Mike told him what happened. He was so sorry. Oh, you could tell that he really felt some of the pain that we felt, and he felt that for us! He came up and said how sorry he was for me, and even that small gesture, was huge. Then, he went home that night and called his brother who works for lds family services in Texas, and told him what had happened, to kind of see what we were having to deal with. His brother told him that it is very traumatic and hard for most couples to deal with. It is losing a child, or like having one of your children die. Would you be able to get over that in a couple weeks? He told Lyle of a lady that had the same senario happen, and a year later the lady went back to get therapy, because she could not get over the grief. She was still struggling so bad even a year later.
Does that give ya'll a wake up call? This is not easy. It is not something that you can just "get over" in a few short weeks. It takes time. I need time. I know that I will overcome this and try again, but not before I am ready. I need the healing power of the spirit, and I am getting little glimmers of hope and light as the days go by. It doesn't mean I am over it, or even close to being over it, but I am moving forward. I have turned my burden over to my Savior, and since I did that through prayer and have relied on Him, I felt the burden being literally lifted. I have felt better, and been able to see many blessings that have come through this experience.
~Keira
Friday, April 29, 2011
The ant and the contact lens: A true story.
Brenda was almost halfway to the top of the tremendous granite cliff. She was standing on a ledge where she was taking a breather during this, her first rock climb. As she rested there, the safety rope snapped against her eye and knocked out her contact lens.
'Great', she thought. 'Here I am on a rock ledge, hundreds of feet from the bottom and hundreds of feet to the top of this cliff, and now my sight is blurry.' She looked and looked, hoping that somehow it had landed on the ledge. But it just wasn't there.
She felt the panic rising in her, so she began praying. She prayed for calm, and she prayed that she might find her contact lens. When she got to the top, a friend examined her eye and her clothing for the lens, but it was not to be found. Although she was calm now that she was at the top, she was saddened because she could not clearly see across the range of mountains. She thought of the bible verse 'The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth.'
She thought, 'Lord, You can see all these mountains. You know every stone and leaf, and You know exactly where my contact lens is. Please help me.'
Later, when they had hiked down the trail to the bottom of the cliff they met another party of climbers just starting up the face of the cliff. One of them shouted out, 'Hey, you guys! Anybody lose a contact lens?'
Well, that would be startling enough, but you know why the climber saw it? An ant was moving slowly across a twig on the face of the rock, carrying it!
The story doesn't end there. Brenda's father is a cartoonist. When she told him the incredible story of the ant, the prayer, and the contact lens, he drew a cartoon of an ant lugging that contact lens with the caption, 'Lord, I don't know why You want me to carry this thing. I can't eat it, and it's awfully heavy. But if this is what You want me to do, I'll carry it for You.'
I think it would do all of us some good to say, 'God, I don't know why You want me to carry this load. I can see no good in it and it's awfully heavy. But, if You want me to carry it, I will.'
God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
Yes, I do love GOD. He is my source of existence and my Savior. He keeps me functioning each and every day. Without Him, I am nothing, but with Him...I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me. (Phil. 4:13)
My mom sent me this forward, and it was when I was in the middle of my overwhelming amount of grief and pain from my own trial. It made me cry. I know that there is a reason that I have to go through the pain and suffering of infertility, but there is a reason. I am learning and growing. My faith is being tested, and I have to keep going in order to come out on top. I hope others who are also struggling with whatever it may be can find comfort in this story. Loves to all.
~Keira
'Great', she thought. 'Here I am on a rock ledge, hundreds of feet from the bottom and hundreds of feet to the top of this cliff, and now my sight is blurry.' She looked and looked, hoping that somehow it had landed on the ledge. But it just wasn't there.
She felt the panic rising in her, so she began praying. She prayed for calm, and she prayed that she might find her contact lens. When she got to the top, a friend examined her eye and her clothing for the lens, but it was not to be found. Although she was calm now that she was at the top, she was saddened because she could not clearly see across the range of mountains. She thought of the bible verse 'The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth.'
She thought, 'Lord, You can see all these mountains. You know every stone and leaf, and You know exactly where my contact lens is. Please help me.'
Later, when they had hiked down the trail to the bottom of the cliff they met another party of climbers just starting up the face of the cliff. One of them shouted out, 'Hey, you guys! Anybody lose a contact lens?'
Well, that would be startling enough, but you know why the climber saw it? An ant was moving slowly across a twig on the face of the rock, carrying it!
The story doesn't end there. Brenda's father is a cartoonist. When she told him the incredible story of the ant, the prayer, and the contact lens, he drew a cartoon of an ant lugging that contact lens with the caption, 'Lord, I don't know why You want me to carry this thing. I can't eat it, and it's awfully heavy. But if this is what You want me to do, I'll carry it for You.'
I think it would do all of us some good to say, 'God, I don't know why You want me to carry this load. I can see no good in it and it's awfully heavy. But, if You want me to carry it, I will.'
God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
Yes, I do love GOD. He is my source of existence and my Savior. He keeps me functioning each and every day. Without Him, I am nothing, but with Him...I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me. (Phil. 4:13)
My mom sent me this forward, and it was when I was in the middle of my overwhelming amount of grief and pain from my own trial. It made me cry. I know that there is a reason that I have to go through the pain and suffering of infertility, but there is a reason. I am learning and growing. My faith is being tested, and I have to keep going in order to come out on top. I hope others who are also struggling with whatever it may be can find comfort in this story. Loves to all.
~Keira
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