Moving On...

   I just have to start by saying how happy and at peace I have felt in the last several weeks. I have gone through a lot of health challenges, and been in pain a lot, but despite it all I am SO happy. So, when I read about Candice's struggles, it tears me up. I feel so bad. I know how hard it can be when you find out that a loved one is pregnant again, meanwhile we are still w.a.i.t.i.n.g. Not so patiently at times, but we continue to wait.
     So, I have been doing a lot of thinking. Mostly about where I am supposed to be at, what I am supposed to be doing to make the most out of my life. Even if I never get the opportunity to have children, I know that I can have a very full and enriching life, but how?  I have prayed a lot about this over the years, hoping to gain some insight and peace over having to wait to start my family. But, always in the past I have prayed, but didn't really care to work to get the answer, because I was too scared of what it might be. I was comfortable where I was at, and didn't want to be moved outside that comfort zone. I hope that makes sense. Anyway, recently I have really been praying hard. I have felt a push to move on. I have wasted almost 6 years of my life, waiting and hoping to start my family. Not doing a whole lot about it except complain and cry everytime I hear someone else is pregnant, but me. I look back on the time that could have been well spent other places, and that's what makes me bitter! Why did I waste me life? I was too wallowed up in self-pity for my own situation, instead of shaping and planning my future the way I want. I guess it took Heavenly Father 6 years to get it through my thick stubborn head!
      So, the future looks great! Kids or no kids, Mike and I are gonna have so much fun! Recently we have really felt a push to buy a home. I don't know why, because the thought of it scares me to death, but if we have felt it, then it is time to look into it. So, looking we are. Meanwhile praying and fasting like there is no tomorrow. :)
      I feel positive about the future. We want to purchase a home, and then maybe shortly after go back to school. That one really doesn't appeal to me, but heck maybe I will like it. We have talked about saving up money and looking into adoption. The possibilities are endless, if we plan for it and shape the future into what we want.  It makes me excited for the rest of our lives, and the opportunities that we have with or without children. I know that some days will still be hard, and that it will still be painful, but it will also be exciting in the opportunities that are before us. I just hope and pray that I can keep this outlook in the months, and years ahead.
~Keira