What goes up must come down....

This perfectly describes my last few days. I was on a very happy high, and now I am back down to what has become all too familiar over the last few years. I have been holding off on writing because I kept thinking about how I might look or sound to other people, and just kept telling myself to not write and my hard and bad feelings will go away in a couple days. So, all morning at work I have been talking to myself and letting my true feelings out, and I finally decided that this is an honest blog. This blog was started to help me get my feelings out no matter how hard it is so that I can learn to cope with them better. So, here it is...
     Well, since I wrote my last entry I have really been having a hard time, and really, no matter how hard I try to convince myself that I am happy, that all is well, and that I have so much to look forward to, I know better. I know part of it is my pms, part of it is that I am in a lot of physical pain, because of my shoulder, and another part is because the last few days it seems that several people are pregnant around me and all they do is complain about it.    
     Yesterday a good friend I work with told me that she was pregnant, and how she was not happy about it, because her boyfriend is treating her badly, and she wants him to have nothing to do with their baby. All in all it is a very sad situation. For her, and for the unborn baby. She has a 2 year old that she really cannot take care of. He lives at her grandparents, and she sees him a few hours after work, but other that that he goes to the babysitters all day, and then sleeps at her grandparents. How sad is that? Then today she was complaining about how her body is now going to be making all sorts of adjustments that it does during pregnancy and how horrible it is. She is more emotional, and how she is going to start gaining weight, and how fat she looks. Really? What about the miracle of creating a life? And the experience to feel your baby move inside you?  At this point I wanted to start screaming at her these very things, but I bit my tongue and held it all inside. Swallowed my feelings in a sense, which I have come to do quite often when I can't afford to let my feelings out and then have to cope with them.
    My cousin is now pregnant with her second and on facebook she posted how she was unhappy about it because she didn't want to gain the weight that comes with it, even though it is for a good cause. I was livid. I can't quite describe the feelings that overcame me when I read that. So, I decided to respond, and despite my anger I wrote a very nice comment about how she needs to count her blessings and be grateful for the fact that she can procreate. And how there are many of us that would do anything to have a baby of our own even with the added weight.  It does not come easy for all of us, and the pain and the deep sorrow that we feel some days can be crippling. I don't think people understand that. I truly feel physical pain at times when it becomes so hard. Anyway, my cousin never responded to my comment, and even that bothered me a little. But alas, I hope it helped her think about it and realize how truly blessed she is. Rather than being so concerned about her figure.
     I am at the point I don't know what else to do. I try to find comfort in being positive. I try to find comfort in holding my feelings inside. I try to find comfort in moving on with my life. Is there any comfort for me? Is there anything that can help when I feel so alone and unhappy? I truly don't know at this point.
-Keira